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Cat Poop Cookies

By
18
Jan 2010

Thought everyone might have fun with this, especially at Halloween. I tried to find a picture, but couldn’t, so guess I’ll have to make one and take a picture and share it.by Susan Mudgett (reprinted here with permission)

Cat Poop Cookies

“There are two flavors: chocolate (dark brown), and gingerbread (light brown).

I seldom measure carefully so amounts may need adjustment, especially on flavoring. The cookies are dense and not very sweet. This is necessary so that they will keep their shape during baking. If you use white flour or sugar they may be tastier but they won’t look like shit.”

Chocolate ingredients:½ cup honey
2/3 cup (1 and 1/3 stick) butter, margarine or lard
1 egg
1 tsp vanilla or peppermint extract
2 cups whole wheat flour
1/3 cup cocoa powder
Grape-Nuts™ cereal

Gingerbread ingredients:¼ cup honey
¼ cup molasses
2/3 cup (1 and 1/3 stick) butter, margarine or lard
1 egg
2 and 1/3 cups whole wheat flour
spices: ginger, cinnamon and cloves to taste (maybe ½ tsp each)
Grape-Nuts™ cereal

Mix-ins:coconut (tapeworms)
chocolate chips
butterscotch chips
peanut butter chips
cooked spaghetti or ramen noodles (roundworms)
corn
peanuts
M&M’s™

To make:Microwave the honey till it bubbles (about 1 minute).

Add the butter, (I’ve been told using lard makes for a more realistic texture and softer cookie) and the molasses, if any.

Add the egg. Mix well; then mix in all the other stuff. Add mix-ins of your choice to some or all of the batter.

Chill 1 hour in the freezer or several hours in the fridge.

Roll dough logs of random length and the diameter of cat poops. Roll logs in grape-nuts and bake at 350 degrees till done (maybe 10 to 15 minutes but with my flaky oven you never know). Note: someone with a reliable oven says it’s closer to 20 minutes for him. (thanks Paul!)

Serve in a disposable cat litter box on a bed of Grape-Nuts™ cereal, with a new, unused cat litter scoop. I hear you get lovely effects by decorating the box and scoop with melted chocolate or pudding. I imagine brown sugar might work as a substitute for the new clumping litters, but I haven’t tried it. I’ve been told that mixing brown sugar with the Grape-Nuts™ “sweetens up the cookie a bit while still looking truly hideous.”

This recipe worked especially well at the Halloween party where the table was already decorated with plastic flies.

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Anger Management

By
14
Oct 2009

Sometimes, you just have to sit down and take time out and think about the issue and let things cool off.

angermanagement

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To All Pet Owners

By
11
Oct 2009

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door – nose height.

clutterDear Dogs and Cats:
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, and try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years — canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat’s butt.  I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don’t.
2. If you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That’s why they call it ‘fur’niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it’s an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn’t speak clearly.

Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don’t ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called (well, OK, the cat thinks about it)
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don’t hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don’t smoke or drink
8. Don’t have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don’t want to wear your clothes
10. Don’t need a ‘gazillion’ dollars for college.

And finally,

11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children

Thank you,

–Your Human

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